Hope In The Waiting

Questioning Faith and Everything in Between

I’ve debated for the past few days whether to write this. But I want to be completely transparent, and honest with you as you read, about how tragedy can shape our view of faith and our connection to it.

I’m not here to persuade you to be religious. I’m here to share my faith building experience and my journey. My hope is simply that it might inspire you to seek faith in whatever way truth resides within your own heart.

Just as I once thought I understood grief, I also believed I had a strong foundation in faith. I quickly learned that what I thought faith was… wasn’t faith at all. What I believed to be faith, shattered like glass. I assumed that as long as someone had faith, they would be protected from heart‑wrenching hardships; that life’s uncertainties and unfairness would never be allowed to enter their life. I believed faith was a constant, overarching shield against life’s unexpected turns.

But that is not how true, genuine faith works.

Faith is not for personal gain or protection. Faith is knowing, believing, and trusting God’s plan; even when you don’t understand it. Faith is knowing that even in the depths of the valley, you are not alone, and that the climb to the mountaintop, is not impossible. Faith is continuing forward on the unpaved, winding, and rugged path, even when every step feels uncertain.

Did I have days when I was angry, when my faith felt fragile and distant? Yes, absolutely. But in hindsight, I believe wholeheartedly that those moments were part of my journey. They were necessary for reshaping the foundation of my faith and for truly understanding my connection to it.

Faith, I’ve learned, isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about choosing to keep going and trusting God. Even when everything you thought you knew has been shaken. Someone once wrote to me in a letter, “In the midst of suffering, one is able to understand God’s character.” For the longest time, I didn’t understand what that meant. Now I do. It means that God is good, and that even when hardships arise, He is still good. God keeps His promises. He is unchanging. Even when I was angry, bitter, and distant from Him, He was still there, waiting for me to return, with open arms.